Violence in  a Relationship is Never Justified


Impact on LGBT Victims

Domestic violence happens in all different types of relationships and that also includes the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) community. It is estimated that between 25 and 33 percent of LGBT relationships include abuse, a rate equal to that of heterosexual relationships. There is a misconception that if violence occurs in an LGBT relationship it is mutual fighting and that it does not reflect the same power and control issues as seen in heterosexual relationships, however the abuse is in many ways similar. 

Many LGBT victims do not identify what is happening to them as abuse because they don’t understand what is happening; therefore they don’t know where to turn for help. If you or someone you know is being abused you can contact New Hampshire’s statewide crisis and support lines to speak with an advocate anytime day or night. The call is free and you do not need to give your name.

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-866-644-3574
Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-277-5570

Unique issues faced by LGBT victims/survivors
While many aspects of LGBT domestic violence are similar to those experienced by heterosexual victims, it is not in all ways identical.  Perpetrators often attempt highly specific forms of abuse based on identity and community dynamics, including:

  •  "Outing" or threatening to out a partner's sexual orientation or gender identity to family, friends, employers, or in other situations where this may pose a threat. 
  • Telling the survivor that abusive behavior is a normal part of LGBT relationships, or that it cannot be domestic violence because it is occurring between LGBT individuals. 
  • Manipulating friends and family supports and generating sympathy and trust in order to cut off these resources to the survivor.  
  • Portraying the violence as mutual and even consensual, especially if the partner attempts to defend against it, or as an expression of masculinity or some other "desirable" trait. 
  • Depicting the abuse as part of sado-masochistic (S/M) activity.  Domestic violence can exist in S/M relationships.  Domestic Violence is not S/M, nor should any non-consensual violent or abusive acts that take place outside of a pre-arranged scene or in violation of pre determined safe words or boundaries be considered part of, or justified as, a normal S/M relationship.
  • Interfering with hormones their partner is taking to transition, or forcing their partner to transition.

More Online Resources:
The Network/La Red
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Program
The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs
Communities United Against Violence
The New York Anti-Violence Project
The Survivor Project
Responding to Domestic Violence in LGBTQ Communities
Tools for Attorneys working with LGBT Survivors of Domestic Violence

Get HELP Fast

Domestic Violence

24-hour Hotline

Sexual Assault 24-hour Hotline

Find a Crisis Center

Call our hotlines anywhere in New Hampshire for support. Stalking victims should call the Domestic Violence Hotline. TTY available at 1-800-Relay-NH.