This list identifies a series of behaviors typically demonstrated by batterers and abusive people. All of these forms of abuse- verbal, emotional, psychological, economic and physical – come from the batterer’s desire for power and control. The list can help you recognize if you or someone you know is in a violent relationship.

Verbal/Emotional Abuse
Put downs, name calling, constantly criticizing, provoking public or private humiliation, or making the person feel crazy; making the victim feel bad about herself or himself.

Intimidation
Making someone afraid by using looks, gestures, actions; smashing things, destroying her property; abusing pets, displaying weapons

Disrespect
Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting the victim’s words; putting her/him down in front of other people; saying bad things about her friends or family.

Abusing Trust
Lying, withholding information; cheating on the victim; being overly jealous, not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with childcare or housework.

Emotional Withholding
Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights or opinions.

Minimizing, Denying & Blaming
Making light of abusive behavior and not taking the victim’s concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn’t happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying she/he caused it.

Economic Control
Interfering with the victim’s work or not letting her/him work; refusing to give her money or taking her money; taking car keys or otherwise  preventing the victim from using the car; not letting the victim know about or have access to family income.

Coercion and Threats
Threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm such as abusing alcohol or drugs; deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss); threatening to report the victim to welfare or other social service agencies, make the victim do illegal things; making the victim drop charges.

Isolation
Preventing or making it difficult for the victim to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling her/him where she/he can and cannot go.

Controlling behavior
Constantly asking whereabouts; calling at work all day; checking car mileage; listening to phone calls; making uninvited visits or calls; following the victim; checking up on her; embarrassing her in public; refusing to leave when asked; limiting outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions; controlling who the victim talks to, what she/he reads, what she/he does and who she/he sees.

Using Dominance
Treating the victim like a servant; making all the big decisions..

Children
Making the victim, feel guilty about the children; using children to relay messages; threatening to harm the children; threatening to report the victim to child protective services.